sooo....

I have been really hating myself lately because of how I have let myself gain sooo much weight since highschool. I thought I was fat then, but man do I wish I could be that size again. I have seriously gain about 60-70lbs in the past 8 years and that is disgusting. I really wish I could be motivated to work out and eat right, but I am so set on the fact that I will probably fail that I never try. I wish I could be on The Biggest Loser for real. Those peoples lives are completely changed by that show. They have someone to teach them what to eat and how to work out and make you do it and keep you motivated constantly. That is what I need. Its really sad when I have this conversation with my mom about it and she was like' "What? You could never be on that show, you would be the girl who is always crying saying you want to go home." Thanks for the vote of confidence mom! Uh sometimes she really pisses me off. But thats besides the point. I need to do something. My sister talked me into going to this clinic on Friday. I guess she heard about it from a couple friends who have lost a lot of weight recently. Basically they give out this weight loss pill that I believe is just an appetite suppressor. Now in my mind I am like, wouldn't that just be a quick fix if I do use it. Like will I lose weight and then put it back on if I quit taking the pills? But I am at the point right now where I don't really care. I need to start losing weight and if this can help me I am all for it. Maybe once I do start losing weight I will be motivated to work out regularly and eat healthier to keep it up. Besides, I can also rationalize in my mind that if it makes me eat less for however long I am on the pill, then my body should become accustomed to eating less. Therefore, if/when I stop taking the pills, I shouldn't eat as much because my stomach will get full faster. I don't know, I am kind of rambling.

So I will let you know what I decide after our appointment on Friday, and who knows, maybe this will become a weight loss blog.